Fecescious: Valentine's at Newtown Creek

Is your idea of a great Valentine's date spent touring a wastewater treatment plant? Well, urine luck.

For the turd year running, the Newtown Wastewater Treatment Facility opened up to the public for a tour on Valentine's weekend. The RSVP for the four, roughly 90-minute tours filled up in less than two hours, flushing away the dreams of many hopeful attendees.

Mother Nature decided to make water on the day of the tour, but it takes more than crappy weather to dissuade the faithful from making the Saturday tour.

The tour starts with a introduction to the NYC wastewater system as a whole, then drains into the specifics of the Newtown Creek facility. After a brief PowerPoint presentation on the history of the facility, the tour begins at the beautifully designed digesters on site.

Our guide, Ali, gave us the runs down of what the digestors do—transforming raw material into clean water again. One point that prairie-dogged a bit was the $7 million to clean out baby wipes, a figure I'm sure caused a stink to city figures. Basically flushable wipes are just that: flushable. They don't disintegrate like standard toilet paper and tend to collect in the digestors.

After digesting all of that info, everyone was pumped for the second half of the experience. As the tours have grown in size, we were cut into two groups so we could all trickle in efficiently.

Ali was gracious enough to take the time and explain each part of the digestors and how things flow throughout. He was quick to warn us not to touch anything, no one likes a party pooper.

More info on the tours is available at NYC.gov and I highly recommend going and signing up as soon as you can.

If you're interested in giving what comes from where the sun doesn't shine its time in the sun, your time will not be wasted.

No word on my recommendation on a gift shop called "Doody Free" or renaming the tour to "Poo-La-La" or "Shit Show."

Downtown Houston Tunnel System

What began as a short tunnel connecting a few buildings in the 1930's has slowly evolved to nearly seven miles of color coded corridors that allow pedestrians to navigate downtown Houston without being exposed to 100 degree weather with 100% humidity.

Inspired by the underground system at Rockefeller Center in Manhattan, the system grew for different needs. One early adopter connected a few of his theaters just to save on air conditioning. 

People are usually shocked when they first hear of the tunnels. Those having lived in and around Houston for years (even their entire lives) have no idea this system exists. They immediately assume it's some sort of urban exploration trek, akin to a large sewage passage or abandoned subway tunnel.

In fact, they are painfully boring.

Imagine a mall that hit its peak two decades ago or a regional airport terminal. Wandering the carpet-covered walls in the mid-afternoon reveals a florescent-lit ghost town twenty feet under the city. Through a good chunk of the near-Brutalist geometries of the meandering hallways, it feels like you just snapped out of a day dream only to realize you have been working a soul-crushing job for the last thirty years.

This is truly a utilitarian design.

The entire experience isn't doom and gloom. The labyrinth has grown into a popular service station during the lunch hour. The hallways are populated with banks, doctors, barbershops, and cleaners, but mostly filled with food court-esque restaurants. Short stretches are adorned with Houston memorbilia ranging from sports to NASA.

Turning corner after corner in this tiled bunker can dull all senses. Every so often you are rewarded for your resolve by a visual breath of air. Windows offer that escape, either exposing you to a courtyard or reminding you of the magnitude of the buildings you are under.

Only a small area was undergoing construction after damage from Harvey. In 2001, after Hurricane Allison, large metal doors were put in place to seal the entire area off from flooding. Shipbuilders came in and fitted doors akin to submarine hatches across the tunnel system. As only a short stretch was affected, I'm sure a lot of small business owners throughout are incredibly grateful for this level of precaution.

The tunnels serve a purpose and offer an interestingly banal view of the people and companies that use them on a day-to-day basis. In fact, this is one of the few places I've visited where one of the more popular places to eat is just called "Chicken Etcetera." Looking forward to its future rival, "Food Here."

There are multiple ways into the tunnels. The only street level entrances are at Wells Fargo Plaza and McKinney Garage. All others are in the lobies of buildings and aren't too hard to discover.